Life, it can be more

"You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

Benjamin Button: Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

Mrs Maple: Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us? 

Daisy: Loving you means everything to me. I have to go pee.

Daisy: Goodnight Benjamin.
Benjamin: Goodnight Daisy.

You know, I'm not a person who is good at expressing myself. Sometimes it's hard for me to convey those emotions I feel. Maybe I will try to, which is now I'm trying to rid off some words out of my chest.

These days made me think a lot about life. Being a female is definitely a complex one compared between the two genders. You will never know when exactly you will feel good or bad when you open up your eyes the next morning. Moods never seem stable enough. That's why they called it, Mood Swing.

Or maybe it's just that we didn't get hold of it well. Changes of mood, applies to everyone I guess.

I can't deny that my heart still feels a little hurt and pain at certain point. Then my mind will start to think of trying to salvage every single broken bit. Negative emotions blocks my senses to feel the appropriate way.

How can...?
Why are...?
What the...?

The 十万个为什么 questions will go never ending. Sometimes things don't need a reason for it to happen. And now it happened, harshness of truth that it hurts. Everything seems hurtful to me. Expectations of and from the the people, overrated works that never look appealing to one and the future, relationships... Ever since, I tried to do things in ways that I don't have much contacts with any things or people, which and whom I will get hurt from.

But I got so tired at each time I'm doing it. Avoiding, running away is what I'm doing all these while.

Then I thought, finally mentally started to breakdown, "Enough!" Life, there will definitely be more to life. Compared to the others, I am not the worst case I see. I am not yet or even anywhere for self-pity. I just wish that I can be determined enough when it's needed to. I don't and won't want to lose my faith in life or stop here where I was just because people and someone whom I loved once left me.

Definitely, I believe I can do it better. Show you a better me.

Mistakes make you mature; make you stronger. However, some people grew with hatred without understanding and realising the nature of life. I wish it for a stop someday.

Fortunately, I don't hate you for the one mistake you did which you gave yourself a bad name, Bastard. I am just not the hate person. It's too hard for me, for my life. I always choose the happy life I always love. And I still believe you have a good nature because my heart affirmed me so throughout those faithful annuals. Maybe I am not the one whom you want to be with in life, I think this fact will gradually and totally be digested somewhere, somedays.

I still love and treasure you as a friend, like a precious gem. Someone who taught me how to love and care. I am thankful to you who gave me strings of memories and experiences which we shared together. I wish that I'm not forgotten, someone who was once as important in your life.