For the one last time

Bonjour. I can't sleep well, and so I am here.

My mind may be a little clearer. But I know that there are certain things which I'm still pissed with.

Out of random: Angel and Jasmin, send me ALL the photos through my mail. Thanks!

Okay back to what I am saying.

People tend not to understand how males and females react differently. They tend to think in their own way and claim that they do think in the other's shoes. Perhaps I should emphasize that it is most of them.

I was.

And why am I writing right now? Yes, mainly because of how I feel. And that is why I am whining right here to feel better.

I don't wish to mention names. But boys (and some girls), I don't need solutions or any advices like how you deal with the problems alright. It is not like I don't have my own thinking, my own pride. It is not like I don't know what I am doing.

All I need is your empathy, your listening ear. All these, you think it is nothing, but it is a great help to me.

If I really need help, I will ask for it. Please, I don't need a person to tell me that I should less mess around with my friends at such late hours, and think that they are bad companies. Who do you think you are to judge them? You don't even know them.

Alright, not like I knew them a lot as well. But still, we have been friends for like going on 7 years. And you expect to control who I should be with?

And if you see someone who are closed and important to me, then just honestly say. I don't need the lies to live with my life. I will be even felt more frustrated when I last to get to know the truth. Hey come on, I am a female after all. I have the ability to sense some things. Believe it or not. It is rather true.

Yes again, regardless just only on you, I feel controlled and you don't trust me of how I as who I am to handle my own things. You have seen the ugliest side of me and of course, that I don't mind at all. Because only those whom I am really comfortable and willing to truly open up with, will see them.

You know what you need. But you neglected of what I need as well. Just like a customer, stop pushing things that I don't like okay. A person can't be too self-centered and think: I like leh. You care?

Then I think it is a rather sad world to live in. Because some people will even also have comment with that sentence: If you think it is sad, don't live luh.

PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK! Stop telling me what to do and what not to do! Give me a clear instructions of everything. Don't expect me to do something that I am freaking not ready at all! And after which, all the fucking words blabbing out my mouth! And that is a sin to me right now! Damn it! I don't want to say that word anymore!

Okay, that is my own fault. I should have disciplined myself on the fucking words. My bad. And I am sincerely sorry.

When I swear, I am serious about it. Because I don't anyhow swear like it is some kids games.

❤

As I whine, I realise something. Rather funny, interesting that it is like a diverse thing.

I am becoming more like you. I will always be late no matter how much I try now. I will feel how you feel, like controlled, freedom, pride and so on with all those little things. I am not ready. I want to break free.

What you are, what I am now.

For one thing I am very sure of myself is, it is my heart you have taken. You can keep it. I don't have the intention to take it back either. And I know it is most precious, genuine and true thing of me.

It is not a lie. And I have never regret that. Never will.

Like I have said earlier on, whatever it may be, when I'm ready, I will tell you still. No hesitation.

That is it. I rest my case for now.