Comment box

On the right side bar, I've stated that if you've any messages for me, just write in my comment box. I'll reply your message(s). So, please check it out in that particular comment box which you've written in. That's the purpose for having comment box in each entry.

You don't have to enter your username nor password, just click on the section written "NAME/URL". That'll be it.

Clear enough?

Tagbox's alive! (the very latest update of ALL)

Since some of them don't know how to use comment box, I've already added the tagbox in the right side bar.

So, welcome for everyone to drop me a message(s)! Good day! (:

Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.

It’s another one of those nights when you lay in bed,
but never seem to be able to get to sleep no matter how hard you try.
You keep trying to tell yourself “Don’t think about anything and to get to sleep!”
And somehow, you will still end up thinking about how to stop your mind from wandering.

It is a phase everyone goes through I guess.
Thinking about everything in life.
Thinking about how your life is going to be in future.
Thinking about what to do to make your parents proud.
Thinking about all the disappointments you have experienced before.
Thinking about what the future holds.

Why is everybody in a rat race?
Why am I doing what I’m doing everyday?
Who am I slogging for?

I also think about what I want to be in future.
What is stopping me?
And at that instance, I’ll realize… that I don’t even know what I want to become.

Just a days ago, someone asked me what I plan to do after graduation.
Be a designer? (What do you think? Do I have the talent? But, I never ever had confidence in whatever I'm doing.)
Be a teacher? (Reasonable. But that would often imply that I’ll be a teacher for life.)
Be a flight attendant? (Nope. Apparently I'm not tall enough to be one )
Be a tai-tai? (peeps at Hottie)

Honestly, can someone tell me.
What will I be?
Whatever I do, there'll always be people despising on my works, competing with their so-called "good grades".

Every time when someone asks me when I’ll be graduating,
I’ll feel rather depressed.
"Two years time" I will always reply.
Then, I'll be thinking, "Why am I feeling so aimless? I know what I want (or not really sure at the moment). But..."
It always ended up with a pathetic "but..."
I don’t feel depressed if I’m not academically inclined or whatever so.

But because I'm afraid that I will disappoint my parents.
All that hard work to put me through polytechnic.
Scrimping and saving, and clearing up their CPF balance to make up for the tuition fees.
I can still remember that day, that very night when I saw my dad's fingers.
That very moment, I felt like crying.
Those fingers were so rough, all the dead skins is so thick that he could merely feel the "touch" of things, stains of black paints that never seem to leave.

It is always so heartbreaking when mom asked, "Hey girl, are you sad that you're not born in rich family? We can't provide you whatever things you want/like. Neither can we bring you to other nice places like the other parents do, nor to have good food."

But mom, I seriously don't mind being in a not rich family. I'm always contented the way we are (even though I've impulsive spending after saving for long sometimes, even though I always say how bad you or dad is). But deep down inside, I love you so much than anything else in my life. I don't mind not having everything I desire. For all my life, there's always things I've learnt. Unlike some spoiled brats, I don't go for branded stuffs. Like you say, if I want it, save the money yourself. You always didn't buy the things you want but for us.

Once before, I felt so speechless that I could just say this, "Mommy, wait for a few more years." To my surprise, she knew what I mean.

I hate it when people tell me :
“It’s okay. There are so many other students who are just like you. Take it easy.”
“Doesn’t matter. Just study harder for your sake of your parents.”
I know they’re saying it just to make me feel better.
But it really makes me wonder if they really mean it.
Or are they secretly mocking at me behind that mask.
I could be just thinking too much.

Seriously.
I have had thoughts of giving up on my studies for so many times.
But I gritted my teeth and told myself, “PRESS ON!”
I know ultimately, everything boils down to me and my determination.
I’m not the only girl in Multimedia course who hates codes and idea-less of inspirations.
The simple truth is that I was not as hardworking as the others.

If it is because you find joy here, then I’m really sorry this entry have to come.

And if you envy the kind of life I have because I'm the only child, there is really no point.
Because I have my troubles and problems - just like you.
I’m just another person who has occasional pimples on my cheeks and cellulite on my buttocks.
I quarrel with my parents.
And I have fights with my boyfriend too.
There are also times when I cry helplessly before bed because I don’t know what to do.
Like you, I also wish for a higher nose bridge, bigger boobs, or perhaps nicer teeth (but firmly, no).
I also want to be even taller (I'm basically fine with it though).
I am not rich. And there are days when I only have $2 in my bank account.
I am not smart too.
You may think that I’m being greedy.
Because I already have a lot in my life that others don’t even have.
You may also think that I should be more considerate/understanding enough.
Because I should be in the first place.

But if you look at the things you have too,
you’ll probably think that you’re being very greedy as well.
But if you look at the things you did too,
you'll probably think that you're being very inconsiderate and not understanding as well.

How much is enough?
What is good enough?
How rich do we want to get?
How smart are we supposed to be?
How considerate and understanding is enough?
What is the right moment when you or I had ever come across each other's mind?
When will it be when everyone's standing in each other's shoes to feel and think instead of comparing?

I am really SO SICK of being not-good-enough for everybody!